We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
