think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
