K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
