where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
