dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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