what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
