I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
