All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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