I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
