dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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