guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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