my vag is so smooth its legendary
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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