if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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