It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
