so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
