I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
