the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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