Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
