Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
