I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
