nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
