I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
In America we eat man semen.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Randomize
