While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
