i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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