the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
