Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
