You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
