You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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