shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize