i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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