Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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