I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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