just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
