Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
