I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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