wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
