i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
