just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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