Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im holly from the hills drunk
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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