Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
