I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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