Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
