he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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