Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
