So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
vagina is talking i cant
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
