I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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