doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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