Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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