Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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