I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
