We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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