I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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