You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
