Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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