Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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