I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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