I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
