I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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