Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
