Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
