You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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