So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
