Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
