Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she told me i tasted like america
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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