I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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