I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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