remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
