ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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