Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
