he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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