Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
