Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A bitchslap is in order.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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