come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize