Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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