It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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