my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
