dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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