Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
