We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
