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Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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