Did you just see the Batmobile???
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
