Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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