tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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