shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
