I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm just crazy horny about you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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