I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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