I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
