Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
