Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize