i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
