why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
