I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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