The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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