My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Everyone says I win the strip club
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
