His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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