Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Girls should come with a carfax report
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
