Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
