i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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