i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What a dumb baby whore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
