i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
