Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We're too hungover to prance.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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