i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
