but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
