so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
