My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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