i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
