a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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