I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
