I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
