so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
