I heard we made out
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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