need another drink. this is the easiest way
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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